and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
