we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
