just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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