"it" just moved
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
