TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
