you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
