Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
