that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
