just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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