i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
