i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
