I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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