Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
