Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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