i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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