Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
