my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
