I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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