Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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