I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
