i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
