i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
