I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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