i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
