Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
