i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had to cum in my sink.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
