a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
