party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if only i could text you this smell
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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