i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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