Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
