if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
