pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
