I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
