Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just googled if crying burns calories
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
