dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
