I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
