First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm really busy with my period
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