doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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