Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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