Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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