And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Floor bacon is actually really good
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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