Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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