Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
