You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
