I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
