i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm bleeding and have questions
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
