Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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