On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
