so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
