awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
